Your light seems unable to penetrate the darkness engulfing me. Tears fill my eyes, then escape and slide down my face, a silent testament to the distance between us. I know I’m the one who moved, but God, I don’t know how to get back to You. The divide appears too great for me to ever be able to cross it, the issues separating us too large to surmount. I have so many questions: my sins haunt me; my fears smother every hope. My heart has hardened . . . I’m not the same person I was. I don’t know how to go back or if I even want to. It seems impossible. But, I can’t seem to move on either.
Do I trust You, or walk away? Walking away is like losing piece of myself, but trusting You again seems like jumping off a cliff and hoping the ground isn’t too far down. Hoping I won’t shatter upon impact. I fear my faith isn’t strong enough to take that chance.
But, what if You’ll catch me when I jump?
What if the distance isn’t as great as it seems?
What if all I have to do is reach out to You and You’ll be there?
What if my questions and their answers aren’t as important as I think?
What if I’m just making excuses because I’m afraid?
What if faith isn’t blind trust, but rather stepping forward with my eyes wide open, confident in who You are? And
What if surrendering to You isn’t the weakness I’ve been led to believe, but rather a true measure of strength?
What if . . . ?
I read this for my church last Sunday and thought I would share it with you. I hope you enjoyed it and that it has encouraged you in some way. Please know that you are never the only one with questions - if nothing else, I will undoubtedly always be asking something.