2018 is almost gone, 2019 is about to begin, so typically today and tomorrow are days of reflecting back on the past year and dreaming of what the future will hold. 2018 has definitely been a year of huge changes for me and my family. A year with more pain than I can remember knowing, but also a year with great joy and excitement. A year of learning and growing and watching my family and friends do the same. A year where my faith was tested and sometimes found lacking, sometimes found stronger than I had imagined. A year where I asked Him and found God sufficient in all things, even when sometimes I doubted His grace.
Looking back over the last year, I can see my heavenly Father’s hand in so many things. I can even see Him in my mom going home to be with Jesus, though I had asked Him for a different answer. In the searching and the questions, in the doubt and the myriad of tears, I’ve found Him to be constant. Even when I yelled because I didn’t like His answer and I was angry with Him, He never walked away. Though I couldn’t always see it in the moment, looking back, He truly has been Immanuel, God with us (Matt 1:23).
I’ve seen Him SO often as my now-husband and I (along with some awesome friends and family!) planned a wedding in 90 days and it came off without any hitches that I know of (the bride is allowed to be oblivious, right?). And now I see Him as we’re learning life together and what being a godly wife and husband looks like. Getting to experience this journey with mentors, friends, and family who have walked the first few months of marriage some time ago and share their wisdom as we ask (and sometimes when we don’t ask, but really need it anyway).
I’m so thankful for the many lessons I’ve learned this year and am still learning as the new year rings in, though some I definitely wish had been different. Though God has used them to shape me, to grow and mold me, to strengthen my foundation in Him and show me anew who He is.
I’m not sure what I dream for 2019. Maybe a few less dramatic changes than the past year. Many more things to learn, I’m sure. Hopefully some good books and good chocolate. Time spent with family and friends. I know this doesn’t encompass nearly everything on my heart and mind, but sometimes words on a page or screen can’t fully express the emotions. The joys and grief, the laughter and tears, the simple smile at the end of a year and the anticipation of the one still to come. I don’t know what all I would dream for this new year, but I’m so enjoying getting to do so with my heavenly Father and my husband by my side.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and remember the past year with me, a bit. I was trying to think of what to end this blog post with and music came to mind. There are so many songs that God has used to encourage us this year, so trying to narrow it down to just one to leave you with . . . . I think God of All My Days by Casting Crowns is a fitting one (click the title to listen on YouTube).
I hope you all have a blessed New Year!