Heart thoughts: Our Heaven Baby

 “Why, God, do people have to die?  A daughter or a son, sudden and so young, long before their time? . . . I don’t understand, but I understand why God, I need You.  It’s why, God, I run to Your arms, over and over again.  It’s why, God, I cling to Your love and hold on for dear life.  And I’ll find, You are right by my side, even here, in the ‘why, God?’”  - Austin French

They tell me “it’s okay to cry.”  But they don’t cry with me.  They tell me that it’s healthy to grieve, but I don’t know how to.  How do I grieve my heaven baby, but still live and laugh with my precious girls?  How do I keep breathing, when every breath hurts so much?  How do I let go enough to keep moving and doing, but hold on so I don’t forget?  Because despite how much it hurts, I don’t want to forget our Amarielle Rose.  I long for stories to tell about her, like “she had the most beautiful smile,” instead, I have dreams that are returning to black and white.  We got to love her for such a short time.  Just weeks, instead of the years I had been assuming we’d have.  I took for granted that I’d had two healthy pregnancies and just assumed this one would be like the former ones.

The words, “there is no heartbeat” has to be one of the worst sentences I have ever heard spoken to me.  We went to the appointment, excited to see our baby for the first time, but left with confused and hurting hearts.  “God, where are you?  Why is this happening? My precious girl . . . “

Today marks 2 weeks since that day.  Since we found out that our sweet baby had already gone to Heaven.  I have wrestled with so many thoughts, so many questions and doubts, so much pain and also a disheartening numbness that makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes.  I’m thankful for our sweet girls that are here for me to hold and love.  They force me to keep moving, even when I really just want to sit and cry.  I don’t have answers.  I still have so many questions, but I doubt I’ll know the answers this side of Heaven.  I think of Heaven, how my mom and grandpa are holding Amarielle for us.  How the first sight her tiny eyes ever saw was the glory of God and the indescribable beauty of Heaven.  I think that I must be selfish to wish her still here with me . . . . I wonder at how God made our hearts able to so deeply miss someone that we never even got to meet.

I spent a few days feeling so very angry at God.  I had prayed for our sweet baby so many times.  I prayed every night for her to be healthy and growing well.  From the day I had a positive pregnancy test, I had prayed for her.  And it’s so easy for me to look with my human eyes at the situation and say that God didn’t act.  Or that He simply said, “No.”  Or that He heard my words and didn’t care.  Or that He didn’t even hear me at all.  And I can give myself all of the trite answers that must be in some Christian handbook somewhere - “What to say when someone is hurting.”  But those empty words don’t bind the wounds.  They don’t offer comfort.  I don’t know why God didn’t answer my prayers.  I don’t know why our family is experiencing this pain.  But I do still believe that He is here with us, mourning with us, because His heart breaks with the pain His children experience.  I know that God didn’t choose this for us.  I know death wasn’t in His plans.  He didn’t create us to die, it is a curse of the fallen world we live in.  I know these things.  But my heart still hurts.   

I thought at one point that I wished God had simply not allowed the pregnancy, rather than allowing my baby to begin to live and then her heart stop beating.  Now, with a smidge of hindsight, I am so thankful for our Heaven baby.  I got to love her for such a short time.  My heart feels heavy with the love I won’t get to lavish on her.  But isn’t it amazing how our hearts are made to expand with each person who comes into our lives, regardless of how long they stay?  I pray that somehow, in the midst of this pain, we learn to love in a way that reflects our Savior.  And that our hearts will be softened and open to love others who are experiencing the same pain, because we understand the road they are traveling. 

Bookish Thoughts: Sunburst

 

Description:

When former Navy SEAL and lifelong bachelor Ranger Kingston is called upon to take part in a rescue

mission to save his brother Colt, who has been kidnapped by terrorists in Nigeria, he is shocked to

find among the hostages a woman he knows and could never forget.

Noemi Sutton was attempting to return a young girl to her family in Boko Haram territory when she and the girl found themselves taken hostage, along with several others.

And while Ranger Kingston may be able to get the hostages away from their captors, he'll need Noemi's help if he ever hopes to get out of Nigeria alive.

Her solution? Pose as husband and wife. But when her uncle discovers the union, he insists on a traditional Nigerian wedding--binding Noemi to a man destined to break her heart. Worse, she's discovered the real reason she was kidnapped, and anyone around her is bound to be caught in the cross fire. Including her so-called new husband.

She'll need to figure out a way to leave the man she loves if she wants to save his life.

About the Author:

Susan May Warren is the USA Today bestselling author of nearly 90 novels with more than 1.5 million books sold, including the Global Search and Rescue and the Montana Rescue series, as well as Sunrise and Sunburst. Winner of a RITA Award and multiple Christy and Carol Awards, as well as the HOLT Medallion and numerous Readers' Choice Awards, Susan makes her home in Minnesota. Find her online at www.susanmaywarren.com, on Facebook @SusanMayWarrenFiction, and on Twitter @SusanMayWarren.

My Thoughts:

 I used to be a huge fan of Susan May Warren's novels, but then I took a break a few years ago and just

didn't pick the new ones up.  If all of the others are this good, man, I've been missing out!  And I have

a lot to look forward to finding!

I realized this was the second book in a series after I got it, but thankfully, my library app had the first.

I'd say you probably could read them out of order, but they are definitely written to be a series,

including a cliffhanger that now has me anxious for Colt's story!  (side note: the chapter with the

cliffhanger is titled “what comes next” - so if you don’t want to be left wondering too much, just stop

reading at the end of the epilogue)

The first book is entirely set in Alaska, so I admit, I was very confused and curious as to how they

were going to get from Nigeria to Alaska in this one.  Or how they would bring Alaska to Nigeria. 

But that aside, I loved this adventure to Nigeria!  I adored Noemi, Ranger, and Blessing!  I so

enjoyed the vibrant descriptions and details, bringing a unique culture to life.  It's apparent

(also from the back cover, you know) that Ranger and Noemi have a past.  I really enjoyed how

the author wove glimpses of their past into the present.

If you’ve read any of Mrs. Warren’s prior suspense novels, please note that this one is marketed

as a contemporary romance.  So there is suspense, yes.  But if you’re going into it expecting a

“hanging on the edge of your seat” kind of story, I don’t know that you’ll find it here.  I personally

greatly enjoyed the story as a whole.  I enjoyed the suspense, but I also just love a great romance,

and that’s a lot of what you’ll find within these pages.  

Overall, I loved this book, as well as the first one, and can’t wait for the final Sky King Ranch novel!

*My thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!  I was not required to write a review, positive

or otherwise, and have not been compensated for it in any way.   All opinions expressed are my own.

Amazon

GoodReads

Barnes & Noble

Bookish Thoughts: The Extraordinary Deaths of Mrs. Kip

 

"Authentic love is the greatest joy there is, Miss Kelley, but it 

requires a thousand little deaths to self."

- Mrs. Kip, page 212

Description:

Aidyn Kelley is talented, ambitious, and ready for a more serious assignment than the fluff pieces

she's been getting as a cub reporter for the Kansas City Star. In her eagerness, she pushes too hard,

earning herself the menial task of writing an obituary for an unremarkable woman who's just

entered hospice care.

But there's more to Clara Kip than meets the eye. The spirited septuagenarian may be dying, but she's not quite ready to cash it in yet. Never one to shy away from an assignment herself, she can see that God brought the young reporter into her life for a reason. And if it's a story Aidyn Kelley wants, that's just what Mrs. Kip will give her--but she's going to have to work for it.

About the Author:

Debut author Sara Brunsvold delights with this emotional multigenerational story that shows that the very best life is made up of thousands of little deaths to self. You'll want to be just like Mrs. Kip when you grow up!

My thoughts:

There are so many things I could say about this book.  I could tell you that I normally read something with romance,

so this was a break outside my norm.  I could tell you I almost cried more than once.  I could tell you that I waited

a couple days before I read the last few chapters.  I could tell you how beautifully written it is.  I could tell you that

you should read it, too.  I could and would tell you all of those things.  But what do you really want to know? 

Yes, I loved this book.  I’m giving it 5 stars.  No, I probably won’t read it again.  For all the wisdom and wit, for all

of the reasons I loved this story, it also broke my heart and reminded me of watching my own loved ones pass

from this life to the next.

"Even when it cost me something dear, I loved. No effort in Jesus's name is ever wasted."

So, yes, please read it!  Fall in love with the spunky Mrs. Kip, appreciate her wisdom, laugh at the extraordinary

ways she might die, and cheer for Aidyn as she finally figures it out.  Finish the last pages with tears in your eyes

for the beautiful way Ms. Brunsvold brought these characters to life and the perfect way she gave Aidyn to love

Mrs. Kip in the end.  And maybe cry a little.  I’m told all of the best books inspire deep emotion.  I’m still not 100%

sold on that idea, but I would say that it’s true with this one.  

*My thanks to the publisher for my copy of this book!  I was not required to write a review, positive or otherwise,

and have not been compensated for it in any way.  All opinions expressed are my own.

So many quotable things in this book! I hope if you choose to pick up this story, that you'll enjoy getting to know Mrs. Kip as much as I did!

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Goodreads

Bookish Thoughts: Shadowed Loyalty

 

Description:

Sabina Mancari never questioned her life as the daughter of Chicago’s leading mob boss until bullets tear apart her world and the man she thought she loved turns out to be an undercover Prohibition agent. Ambushes, bribes, murder, prostitution—all her life, her father sheltered her from his crimes, but now she can no longer turn away from the truth. Maybe Lorenzo, the fiancé who barely paid her any attention in the last two years, has the right idea by planning to escape their world. But can she truly turn her back on her family?

All his life, Lorenzo’s family assumed he would become a priest, but he has different ideas—marrying Sabina and pursuing a career in the law. Despite his morals, he knows at the core he isn’t so unlike his mafiosi father and brothers. Has he, in trying to protect Sabina, forced her into the arms of the Prohibition agent bent on tearing her family apart? How can they rebuild what has so long been neglected and do it in the shadow of the dark empire of the Mafia?

Shadowed Loyalty, set amid the glitz and scandal of the Roaring Twenties, examines what love really means and how we draw lines between family and our own convictions, especially when following one could mean losing the other.

About the Author:

Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award nominated author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary. You can learn more about her and her stories at www.RoseannaMWhite.com.

My Thoughts:

I’ve started claiming that my favorite Roseanna M. White novel is the one I’ve read most recently.  They are all SO good!  But this one . . . . I don’t even know where to begin.  I read it in April, but it has to be one of the best stories I’ll read this year!  I’m not exaggerating.  It was that good!

I’ve only read a couple novels set during the “Roaring 20s,” and this one is definitely my favorite.  I loved journeying back in time, even to a time of excess and such brokenness as the mafia profiting from prohibition.  I absolutely adored the characters, with the exception of Roman.  He kind of grew on me in the end, but he doesn’t really fall into the place of hero or villain.  Lorenzo on the other hand, even with his faults, is a great hero.  He is honorable, strong, handsome (you know, because there’s seldom a romance novel with an ugly hero), and loving.  Even in the midst of anger and heartbreak, he seeks to do what is right.  Maybe he sought what is right after the fact, but I still loved his heart for God.  I loved the authenticity of Sabina and Lorenzo’s relationship.  Honestly, that may have been my favorite part of this book.  It wasn’t all flowers and kisses, but it was hard and broken, requiring a lot of forgiveness and learning to begin again.  

I really liked Sabina, as well.  I found myself often cheering for her, hoping she’d do the right thing and learn from the past.  Her journey of learning the ugly truth about her family, her desire to learn how to love them, while also hating the lifestyle they’ve chosen, was so thoroughly engrossing.  I imagine anyone struggling to know how to love a family member who is choosing a lifestyle that contradicts what is right would find a kindred spirit in Sabina. 

Overall, I loved this book!  I can’t wait for my pre-ordered paper copy to arrive so I can share with my friends this book that so thoroughly captured my attention and heart for the space of 300-odd pages. 

*My thanks to the author for my advanced copy of this book!  I was not required to write a review, positive or otherwise, and have not been compensated for it in any way.  All opinions expressed are my own.  

If you've taken the time to make it this far, thank you so much! Having 2 munchkins, I know how precious spare time is and I truly appreciate you spending a bit of yours here. Have a lovely day!

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

GoodReads

Bookish Thoughts: The Lady of Galway Manor

 

Description:

In 1920, Annabeth De Lacy's father is appointed landlord of Galway Parish in Ireland. Bored without all the trappings of the British Court, Annabeth convinces her father to arrange an apprenticeship for her with the Jennings family--descendants of the creator of the famed Claddagh Ring.

Stephen Jennings longs to do anything other than run his family's jewelry shop. Having had his heart broken, he no longer believes in love and is weary of peddling the "lies" the Claddagh Ring promises.

Meanwhile, as the war for Irish independence gains strength, many locals resent the De Lacys and decide to take things into their own hands to display their displeasure. As events take a dangerous turn for Annabeth and her family, she and Stephen begin to see that perhaps the "other side" isn't quite as barbaric and uncultured as they'd been led to believe--and that the bonds of friendship, love, and loyalty are only made stronger when put through the refiner's fire.

About the Author:

Jennifer Deibel is the author of A Dance in Donegal. Her work has appeared on (in)courage, on The Better Mom, in Missions Mosaic magazine, and in other publications. With firsthand immersive experience abroad, Jennifer writes stories that help redefine home through the lens of culture, history, and family. After nearly a decade of living in Ireland and Austria, she now lives in Arizona with her husband and their three children. You can find her online at www.jenniferdeibel.com

My Thoughts:

This is my first book by Jennifer Deibel and one of very few that I’ve read set entirely in Ireland, so I was very curious about this story!  I really enjoyed visiting the Emerald Isle and am looking forward to seeking out this author’s previous novel and taking another trip to such a vivid country. 

Ms. Deibel says that her books are a love letter to Ireland and I could very quickly see the truth in her statement. Her love for the people and the land comes through on almost every page. I loved getting to see the story through the eyes of Annabeth, someone who knows very little about anything Irish and is learning so much about her new home. I loved her kind spirit and curiosity. It took me a little longer to warm up to Stephen, though I did come to really like him, as well. I'm not sure if it's how quickly I read the story (which was pretty fast), but I did think the change in their relationship happened a little abruptly. One day Stephen is being a bear, then suddenly everything is different. Though I was a little confused about the timing of everything, so that may have had something to do with it, as well.

I will say that Seamus was quite possibly my favorite character!  He loves his son so well, even as Stephen wonders if his father is losing his mind with some of the decisions he makes.  He is kind and generous and I so appreciated the wisdom shared through him.  

Overall, I quite enjoyed this book and would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys historical fiction!

As always, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by!  Having 2 little ones now, I'm definitely here less than ever.  I also heard someone voice a truth that had been in the back of my mind, but that I hadn't ever truly pondered: no one really takes the time to read blogs, anymore.  Podcasts are the new thing right now, I think.

Anyhow, links are below, as always.  Have a lovely day!  

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Goodreads

Bookish Thoughts: To Treasure an Heiress

Description:

1906

Beth Tremayne has always been drawn to adventure. During her childhood, she fed that desire by exploring every inch of the Isles of Scilly. Now, after stumbling across an old collection of letters and a map buried on her family's property, she's found more adventure than she ever anticipated in the hunt for pirate treasure. But in order to discover where the clues lead, she must search alongside Lord Sheridan, a man she finds insufferable.

Sheridan has spent years pursuing whatever archaeological interests pique his imagination. And when he discovers that Beth's search connects with one of his far-removed pirate ancestors, he can't help getting involved. Plus, he finds her irresistible, even though she insists he stole a prized possession of hers.

As they work together following different clues and drawing closer to danger, they start to piece together a story of tragic love and piratical adventure. But which treasure will bring the greatest surprise--the one they find in each other or the one just out of their reach?

About the author:

Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award-nominated author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she's homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. You can learn more about her and her stories at www.roseannamwhite.com 

My thoughts:

I’ve contemplated a few times which of Roseanna M. White’s books might be my favorite and it always comes to whichever one I’m either currently reading or have finished most recently. This one is certainly no exception to that standard! I loved the first book in the series, “The Nature of a Lady” and have been eagerly awaiting this one, especially after learning it would be Beth and Sheridan’s story. Though I met them only briefly in the previous story, I knew their tale would be an interesting one! 

As always, I loved the characters Ms. White has created! Sheridan’s thoughts and wanderings often had me smiling or laughing as he came up with an odd story or another. And Beth soon became a dear friend as I was reading, though one I wanted to shake some sense into on occasion. Their romance was sweet, if seeming a little swift. But the story is also fast paced and I appreciated that even the characters were aware of how quickly their emotions changed.

I also greatly enjoyed the new characters in Senara and Ainsley. I always really enjoy how well Ms. White draws in new personalities and dual storylines, with a perceived ease that is probably a lot more work than this reader realizes. Then there’s the hunt for pirate treasure that kept me wondering if they would ever actually find something or if it would all be for naught. 

Overall, I greatly enjoyed this story and am anxiously awaiting the announcement for the third book (I’ve a guess who’s it will be, but I’m not sure)!  

*My thanks to the author and publisher for my copy of this book! I was not required to write a review, positive or otherwise, and have not been compensated for it in any way. All opinions expressed are my own. 

My first review in 2022 and as a mom of 2! This is something of an accomplishment for me, haha! 

As always, thanks so much for stopping by! If you'd like to know more about the book, links are below. :)

Have a lovely day!

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Christian Book

The Story Graph

Goodreads

Books I hope to read in 2022

 This post is only a week later than I was thinking I'd do it - life with a toddler and a newborn is definitely giving me a new list of priorities.  And I'm learning what things aren't at the top of my to-do list when sleep is in short supply.  Though I quite enjoy blogging, it doesn't even make the list sometimes.  I have been pondering possibly doing some different posts this year, maybe some things about parenting or more conversational things . . . we'll see.  

Anyway, so this list is a little different.  Most of the books are ones that release this year, though I think about 4 of them are books that have been on my to-be-read list and I'm really hoping to get into them soon!  I don't know how much reading I'll actually get done with 2 littles, but I can dream.  

As usual, you should be able to click the title and check it out on Amazon, if any catch your fancy.  What books are on your TBR list for this year? Also, I don't have any non-fiction on this list - any recommendations? 

Life Flight by Lynette Eason - January 2022

First book in a new series!  I can't wait!

To Disguise the Truth by Jen Turano - January 2022

Eunice Holbrooke's story!

Until Leaves Fall in Paris by Sarah Sundin - February 2022

I've long enjoyed Sarah's novels and one of my favorites is

actually her standalone from last year, so I'm really excited for this one!

Enchanting the Heiress by Kristi Ann Hunter - March 2022

I honestly couldn't remember what this one was about,

just that it was Harriet's story, so I just read the description

and now I can't wait for March! 

Turn to Me by Becky Wade - May 2022

Luke's story!!!!

A Seaside Wonder by Melissa Tagg - ? 2022

This book was supposed to release this month, but

Melissa chose to delay it for personal reasons, so as far

as I know, there's no official new release date.  But isn't the

cover gorgeous? 

Wishtress by Nadine Brandes - September 2022

No cover for this one yet - but I'm super excited for this fantasy novel!

Now for the ones that are already available!

Dearest Josephine by Caroline George

I actually found this book via Instagram and got it

while it was on an ebook sale and have been looking forward

to reading it.  YA isn't my usual fare, but I've been enjoying

the other ones I've picked up recently.

Romanov by Nadine Brandes

I went through a phase as a teen where I was fascinated

by the history of the Romanovs (I read a series set in Russia that 

included their family) and teenage me would have been so stoked for 

this book.  I'm sad that adult me hasn't yet dove into it.  But hopefully 

that'll change soon! 

The Story Peddler by Lindsay A Franklin

This book is the first in a series and I'm probably going to

greatly regret the fact that I'm not currently in possession of books 

2 & 3 whenever I get the chance to read it.  

The Contest by K.E. Ganshert

I've not read any of this author's YA books, but

her other novels are some of my favorites, and I'm very interested to 

start this one.